Behind All of This
by Malone
Summary: Lucas never wanted to be at Whitebrook Farm. Now he struggles with the fact that this is his new home.
1. Chapter 1

_This is me and this is my life, it was perfect but then everything just went and turned 180 degrees around. I hate perfect, perfect is what my whole life used to be. People say that you're lucky because you're the son of Grace Spencer. Well, it's not like we've had any stunning horses lately they've all gotten taken from her training. Then she says that we are going to move to Kentucky and that now we are going to live at Whitebrook Farm. Like I can be happy knowing that I'll be at somebody else's farm? _

These words were written on a blank sheet of paper as Lucas Spencer stared blankly at the dark tan walls of his new room. Anger was brewing up inside him again, these past few hours had been awful. It had taken everything inside of him not to go into a screaming fit about his new home. Everything here seemed to be perfect and like some hyper fairy tale,he hated it. The people at the farm seemed so happy and welcoming,yet Lucas hadn't even said anything to them. He was too angry at the world for sending him halfway across the country just so his mother could train somebody else's horses. That just didn't seem right to him at all,of course nothing seemed right these days.

One year ago everything had been perfect in his world. His mother had a few successful Allowance horses,his father had begun to teach him more complex things about owning a horse farm and his older brother had been a football star. Then in the dead of winter everything seemed to explode around him all at once. His father,older brother and him were involved in an accident while they were coming home from looking at a few prospects for their racing string. A deer had leaped across the highway and his father had tried to avoid it by swerving. Out of nowhere they hit a patch of black ice and the car slid off the road and went tumbling a steep hill. It's final resting place had been deep in a thicket of pines a long way away from the country road they had been on previously.

His father had died almost instantly after being ejected from the car and breaking his neck. His older brother had been wearing a seat belt but her had been forced into the dashboard with a large amount of force. He had also been on the side of the car when it viciously slammed into the trees. Lucas, had also been wearing his seat belt but he had been in the back seat and somehow he managed to escape with only a few broken ribs and numerous cuts and bruises. Not long after the accident he blacked out and remembers nothing about what happened after. It was not until he awoke at the hospital that he was told the tragic news about his father.

What they had told him next was that his older brother had virtually no feeling from the waist down. This was the final thing that really broke Lucas into a million pieces,his only brother and idol would never again walk. It tore Lucas up and once he was discharged from the hospital he tried to commit suicide. His mother had found him before the massive amount of pain killers could do the full effect on his fragile body. This sent Lucas back to the hospital to receive some "intensive counseling" after he had recovered from his attempted suicide.

It was only after this that he was allowed to see his brother. Jake had been strong,tall and rather good looking. Now, he looked so lost and broken as he layed there fighting for his life and in a comatose state. Lucas had tried to tell himself that deep down inside Jake was the same brother that used to tease him for his small size. All this ended up doing for Lucas was that he realized that from now on he would shut himself out from the world and pretend that this had not happened. One day he would wake up from this agonizing nightmare and find his brother outside showing off to his large group of so called friends.

But no of these "friends" had been to see his brother. Lucas knew this because he had asked everybody he could think of. Just one and a half months after this had all happened Jake finally came out of his coma. Lucas has been elated but when he got to the hospital he found his brother weeping over what had happened. This was another shot at Lucas's state of mind,he had never even seen his brother cry before. Lucas had wished that it would have been him in the front instead of his brother. Then he wouldn't have had to see his brother so strung out the he couldn't even make eye contact with him.

Two weeks ago Lucas had been told by his mother that they were selling their small farm in Maine and they were all moving to Kentucky. That she had been offered a job by the famous Ashleigh Griffen and that it would be easier for Jake if he had a change of scenery. It seemed to Lucas that everyday his brother would break down again and lash out against every little thing. Even though Jake had been seeing a counselor three times a week it didn't appear to be helping anything. It seemed to be doing more harm then good because after Jake came home Lucas was on pins and needles about what would set his brother off next.

What his mother had told him next was the one thing that Lucas had never even thought of. They would have to sell the few horses that were left on the sprawling farm and that they would be all moved out in two weeks. Sell the horses why? Whitebrook Farm was a _horse farm _and the few horses that were left were racehorses. Were the horses not good enough that they wouldn't want them? Lucas's last two weeks in Maine had went by in a blur of action and now they were all settled in at their home on the Whitebrook Farm property.

Lucas then tore the piece of paper he had been writing until it resembled a rather frustrating jigsaw puzzle. "Why did I even try writing when everything I write ends up horrible. I'd better throw this away before Jake sees that I've been writing. He'll probably be mad at me for that, he's been more frustrating to be around since we moved here." Lucas muttered to himself while he picked up the pieces of paper and threw them in a garbage can.

Then he heard somebody walk into his room and knock on the door. Assuming that it was just his mother wanting him to come out from his room he didn't bother to look up. " What do you want now? Can't I have a moment to unpack a little?" Lucas said harshly, he just wanted to be alone right now.

"I'm sorry,it's just that your mom told me that you would probably want to see a few of the horses here. I'm Christina by the way and it's a pleasure to meet you." He heard a girl say and as soon as he heard a feminine voice that wasn't his mother he spun around quickly. 

She seemed tall and happy to be meeting him,Lucas shot her an angry look before speaking. She was probably just poking around and trying to find out what he was like. _Well, I hope she finds me so depressing to be around that she leaves me the heck alone. It's bad enough that I have to be here without having some girl poke around at my past._ Lucas thought before answering, he was trying to think of something to say that would scare her off.

" Well, I'd just rather be alone that you very much. It was a pleasure to meet you Christina and you can cut the politeness with me. My name's Lucas and you'll probably never see me again because I'm never leaving me room!" Lucas said haughtily and watched as Christina turned and fled down the stairs.

_This place is way too cherry,I wouldn't even be here if dad were still alive._ Lucas thought as a tear rolled down his cheek. He had gotten used to not showing any emotions to anybody.

"Why do I feel so bad for talking to her like that? She was just some silly girl who I'll never see."Lucas said as he returned to staring at the blank sheet of paper on his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucas returned to scribbling around on the pieces of paper that were on his desk. He was glad that he had gotten rid of Christina so easily. Yet a feeling of regret went through him, what if she had just been trying to be nice? "I just hope nobody else was around to hear me. I hope she doesn't go and tell her parents,then I'd have them mad at me. Who cares about them anyway I'm just going to go outside when it's necessary. I'm not even going to think of going near the barns,why should I care about their horses:" Lucas said bitterly, he was still mad that they had to sell their horses.

One of the horses they had sold was Lucas's horse Santiago. The lively bay gelding had been a mid level Allowance horse. Santiago had been about to go up into a higher level of Allowance races until he had broken down during a workout. Lucas's mother did not want to sell the horse after he had recovered so he stayed on the farm and had been used as a paddock buddy for the younger horses. The day that the horse had been sold and taken away Lucas had been with the horse until he was loaded into the trailer. Afterword he ran up to the house and had never went back to the barn again.

_I would be breaking the promise that I had made to him. I told him that I'd never love another horse again after he was gone. I just wish that I didn't have to see him go, I shouldn't have even been with him then. It only made things worse when he tried to pull himself back to me while they were trying to load him. Why can't I do anything right? Am I just that confused about what's right that I can't see it? _Lucas thought as he tried to shove the memories of Santiago out of his head. He never wanted to feel what it was like to lose something again, it was a feeling all too real for him.

"Lucas, what did you say to Christina to make her leave all of a sudden. What's gotten into you lately? I thought that you would be happy here, maybe you could get involved with the horses here like you used to back at the farm." He heard his mother say with a firm tone that sent chills down his spine. He knew that he had gotten her mad and that she was frustrated with him. But couldn't she see what he was never going to be happy here?

"All I said was that she didn't have to be so polite with me." Lucas said with a light tone as he watched to see what his mothers reaction would be. He figured that he wouldn't by the story at all since she probably had spoken to Christina.

" Sure, so that's why she ran out of your room. Do you really expect me to belive this?" His mother said with an irritated tone and Lucas watched as her face turned into a confused expression. 

"Alright, I told her that I was never coming out of my room. I suppose I could have been a little nicer to her but it's just that I don't want to be here. I miss everybody back home and I was hoping that everything would turn out alright." Lucas said with a remorseful tone, he was starting to feel bad for being so mean before.

" Honey, I took this job because it a great opportunity for all of us. I'm getting to train for some of the best people in the horse industry. You know we hadn't had a horse of anything other the a few Allowance horses for a long time. Plus with Jake's medical bills we might have went bankrupt if we would have tried to hold on. This will be good for you too, you'll get to be around more people of your own age. Christina is just a little bit older then you right now and the head trainer here has a son too. Just please understand, for me." His mother said as she walked over and embraced Lucas in her arms. 

Lucas was slightly startled by this, his mom never hugged him. Not that he'd ever let her most of the time if she tried. But now it kind of put a since of belonging into him, he had beginning to feel like all his mother cared about was Jake. Of course, most of the time Lucas was usually in his room trying to block out everything that had happened to him. It was only when he was called down for supper that he showed his presence.

Lucas then wiggled out of his mother's tight grip and studied her for a moment. He had been told by many people that he looked like here. They both had the same small stature and light brown hair. The only difference was that his mother's was streaked from the suns rays while Lucas's hair was darker. His mother was tanned from spending hours outside watching the horses, while Lucas was very pale from never being outside. He used to feel proud that he looked like his mother, now he found it an embarrassment, how could he ever be like her? Everybody would always be comparing her to him.

"Fine I'll try, but if I were you I'd concentrate on Jake. He's probably going to hate this place more then I am." Lucas said and without another word he turned and ran out of his room.

Once he got to the screen door he let it slam and he kept on running. After a few minutes of running he slowed down and looked around him. _Gee, now I don't even know where I am. Good going stupid now I'll be lost forever out here. I might as well look around and see just how big this place is._ Lucas thought as he surveyed his surroundings, this place was big he'd give it that much credit.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas hurriedly walked around the stable yard, he didn't feel like having anybody see him. For the moment he just felt like being alone, today things were not going right. His mother had told him that they had needed to move here and that had pushed him to the point of him almost yelling at her. Then it seemed like his life was a broken record, things were the same day after day. His life went in a cycle of yelling, retreating to his room and then storming out of his room angrily if somebody said something to set him off.

He looked around the farm with interest, the farm looked so big to him that you could be out walking and be lost for hours. The paddocks were large with gentle rolling hills of grass where several horses were turned out. But he wasn't looking at the horses, he was trying to find a patch of shrubs or some place out of everyones way so that he could hide for awhile. He didn't feel like having more people come up to him and introduce themselves and say that they were happy he was here and that they just knew he would like it here. When his mother and him had been moving in countless people had said the same thing to him and it had made him want to whip something at their heads.

"There's got to be someplace around here where I can hide. This place is looks like it's ten times bigger then back home that's for sure."Lucas said and then he spied a cluster of bushes near the lane to the training track. It seemed secluded enough at this time of day that he could stay there and not have to worry about being seen by anybody. He took off at a flat out sprint toward them, his shoes barely making a sound as he ran along the grass near the paved lane. His breath was coming in short gasps as he remembered that he hadn't ran around in over a year.

One he was by the bushes he noticed that they were planted so that they formed a horseshoe. Lucas studied the bushes for a moment as he tried to catch his breath and then he quietly slipped near the top of the the horseshoe shape so that if anybody was looking at the bushes that he would have a better chance of not being seen. Then he sat facing the bushes and stared though a tiny gap in the hedge that looked like somebody had intentionally made a hole there. Then at that same moment he heard somebody talking and it seemed to be coming from the other side of the bushes. "So, what was the new boy like? Lucas or whatever his name was." He heard a male voice say.

"Him, you don't ever want to meet him he's awful! All I did was ask him if he wanted to see the horses and he yelled at me and told me to go away. If I were you I'd never go near him, I wish that he'd just go back to where he came from."He heard a female say with an angry voice that he immediately recognized as Christina's. His felt his stomach drop and he could feel his anger rising once again that day. 

_Maybe I should go out there right now and show her that I was eavesdropping on their conversation. That'd show her not to say things behind other people's backs._ Lucas thought as he stared at his hands and noticed that his fists were clenched. He continued to stare at them as he strained to hear so that he could hear everything that they said about him.

"Chris, you'd shouldn't assume that he's that bad. Maybe you just caught him off guard or something. Wouldn't you be a little on edge if you went someplace new and didn't know anybody else who was there?" He heard the boy say with a calm and assertive tone.

"You decided not to come with me so you don't know how he said it. He was so angry at me that I thought that he was going to tackle me at any moment. I don't care what you say but as long as he'd here I'm not going to talk to him,ever." Christina said with a slightly annoyed tone, this made Lucas somewhat smug with himself. He was glad that he had left the impression on Christina that she would never talk to him.

"That's what you say now but I bet that in a little while that you'll be curious about him again and then you'll go over there and try to talk to him."He heard the boy say and then he heard the somebody get up and walk away. Lucas pushed himself as close as the bush as he could as he tried to hide himself.

"Kevin, if you're so fascinated with him then why don't you go over there and try talking to him yourself. And if you come back with a black eye then don't come complaining to me." He heard Christina say and then all he heard was a few of the stallions in the stallion barn being very vocal.

"Both of them can just leave me alone, I don't need any company. But there's got to be a way for me to show mom that I'm not happy here. Then maybe we could move back home again and leave stupid Christina here complaining about how awful I am." Lucas said as he stared at the clouds, if only he could be like them. Then he could go wherever he wanted, and have a purpose in life.


End file.
